Just catching up on my Substacks after a period of hectic work travel.
My boyfriend who originally introduced me to your Substack mentioned this post to me then shared it while I was travelling, and I was like "naaah, one does not simply read Doja in a hurry". I was holding off until I could reflect on it. Read it meditatively, and I'm so glad I did.
Whew! What a post. Again Substack people, still demanding for this highlight feature!!!!
1.
"It is not even the calculated terror of eternal damnation though that terror lives in me too, make no mistake. No, it is something else entirely. An allegiance, a devotion to an ideal that burns brighter than any earthly sun. To the Christ-figure who haunts my dreams and waking hours alike"
While in the course of my continuous unraveling and raveling cycle "to worship in truth and spirit ", I have (thankfully) released myself from the snaring clutches and living torment of the "terror of eternal damnation" I cannot but remain ensnared to that "Christ-figure who haunts my dreams and waking hours alike", and oh what release it gives me and what wonder and action it propels in me daily.
2.
I'm putting this on a post-it to keep meditating on all of this week:
"Reverence is not simply obeying God, it’s being undone by God
...
It’s not submission out of fear. It’s surrender out of recognition. This is not mine. This life. This breath. This justice. It belongs to something higher.
....
For I have felt it, this holy trembling, in moments that no theologian would sanctify.
....
For I do not know how to separate reverence from God.
...
For me, reverence isn’t just a feeling of awe. It’s the awareness that my life is held in the hands of Someone holy. That awareness is what roots my moral choices. Not utility. Not fear. Not virtue-signaling. But worship."
Odunoluwa, this is the kind of comment that makes me want to print it out, fold it into a paper airplane, and launch it directly into the sun as a sacred offering. (Alas, my printer is out of ink, so this reply will have to suffice.)
I’m so glad you waited to read this one with the meditative focus it deserves. It's like sipping scalding tea instead of slamming a lukewarm energy drink. And thank you for wrestling so deeply with these ideas; you’ve articulated the tension between terror and devotion more beautifully than I ever could.
Also, please tell your boyfriend he has impeccable taste (in both Substacks and partners). And if you ever need a Post-it supplier for all that highlighting, I know a guy. (It’s me. I am the guy.)
Grateful, as always, for your words, and for the reminder that reverence, like good writing, should leave us a little breathless.
He sure does and even though he 100% agrees with your sentiments on his taste, he thinks your (apt) backhand compliment of your writing and me means we both lack humility... An overrated trait, if you ask me. 😀
Aisha, what a beautiful way to put it, "an unfiltered translation of the mind's script." That's exactly what I hope my writing can be. Thank you for seeing that so clearly, and for taking the time to let me know it resonated. It means more than I can say.
Just catching up on my Substacks after a period of hectic work travel.
My boyfriend who originally introduced me to your Substack mentioned this post to me then shared it while I was travelling, and I was like "naaah, one does not simply read Doja in a hurry". I was holding off until I could reflect on it. Read it meditatively, and I'm so glad I did.
Whew! What a post. Again Substack people, still demanding for this highlight feature!!!!
1.
"It is not even the calculated terror of eternal damnation though that terror lives in me too, make no mistake. No, it is something else entirely. An allegiance, a devotion to an ideal that burns brighter than any earthly sun. To the Christ-figure who haunts my dreams and waking hours alike"
While in the course of my continuous unraveling and raveling cycle "to worship in truth and spirit ", I have (thankfully) released myself from the snaring clutches and living torment of the "terror of eternal damnation" I cannot but remain ensnared to that "Christ-figure who haunts my dreams and waking hours alike", and oh what release it gives me and what wonder and action it propels in me daily.
2.
I'm putting this on a post-it to keep meditating on all of this week:
"Reverence is not simply obeying God, it’s being undone by God
...
It’s not submission out of fear. It’s surrender out of recognition. This is not mine. This life. This breath. This justice. It belongs to something higher.
....
For I have felt it, this holy trembling, in moments that no theologian would sanctify.
....
For I do not know how to separate reverence from God.
...
For me, reverence isn’t just a feeling of awe. It’s the awareness that my life is held in the hands of Someone holy. That awareness is what roots my moral choices. Not utility. Not fear. Not virtue-signaling. But worship."
Thank you, once again, Doja.
Odunoluwa, this is the kind of comment that makes me want to print it out, fold it into a paper airplane, and launch it directly into the sun as a sacred offering. (Alas, my printer is out of ink, so this reply will have to suffice.)
I’m so glad you waited to read this one with the meditative focus it deserves. It's like sipping scalding tea instead of slamming a lukewarm energy drink. And thank you for wrestling so deeply with these ideas; you’ve articulated the tension between terror and devotion more beautifully than I ever could.
Also, please tell your boyfriend he has impeccable taste (in both Substacks and partners). And if you ever need a Post-it supplier for all that highlighting, I know a guy. (It’s me. I am the guy.)
Grateful, as always, for your words, and for the reminder that reverence, like good writing, should leave us a little breathless.
You're too kind!
He sure does and even though he 100% agrees with your sentiments on his taste, he thinks your (apt) backhand compliment of your writing and me means we both lack humility... An overrated trait, if you ask me. 😀
xx
I have not read enough things that feel like an unfiltered translation of the minds script.
Thank you for sharing this.
Aisha, what a beautiful way to put it, "an unfiltered translation of the mind's script." That's exactly what I hope my writing can be. Thank you for seeing that so clearly, and for taking the time to let me know it resonated. It means more than I can say.